


Rest Your Head On My Heart and Your Pain On My Shoulders

by princessdragonsun



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Crying, Depression, Friendship, Gen, Hugs, Janus is the Self-Care Snek, Logan was in it for like two seconds, Minor burn wound, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Morality | Patton Sanders Needs a Hug, Morality | Patton Sanders-centric, No Beta, Platonic Relationships, Repression, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Very Minor, and nothing descriptive, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:47:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29690400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessdragonsun/pseuds/princessdragonsun
Summary: Title from You Got Me-Gavin DeGraw.Patton doesn't realize he's repressing again until it gets bad.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	Rest Your Head On My Heart and Your Pain On My Shoulders

**Author's Note:**

> I did not edit this. Watch, come morning, I'm going to read through it and spot so many little mistakes that are going to bother the heck out of me and I'll wonder why I didn't just proofread it beforehand.
> 
> I love platonic relationships to death. Plus, I felt the need to vent through Patton. Writing like this is very therapeutic and actually helps me sort through my own thoughts and feelings. And to top it all off, I added Janus the Self-Care Snek. Because y e s.  
> *dumps this platonic Moceit fic and jumps into nearby bushes*

Patton was repressing again. He knew it was bad and he knew he probably should seek out help. But there was just so much to do and so very little time to do it. At first, he hadn't even been aware that he'd been bottling up his emotions again. But over time, he noticed an invisible weight on his shoulders and a persistent sadness that just didn't go away. He tried to cheer himself up through cute and funny videos or encouraging Thomas to spend more time with his friends. Those things usually made him very happy. And they did. But it was a fleeting happiness that dissolved the second his focus was no longer present.

It continued to get worse the more he tried to soldier on. Ignorable sadness became on the verge of tears when he didn't have a distraction and bearable depressing thoughts became a horrible numbness. All Patton wanted to do was sleep. Sleep so that he didn't have to deal with everything. When he found himself with nothing to do, he spent time in the common room with his family even if they didn't interact. He would doze off on the couch, the relaxed movements of the others soothing his heart. He was probably worrying them with how often he was sleeping but he couldn't bring himself to stop.

One of the times he woke up from such a nap, he'd noticed Logan watching him in concern.

"Have you been sleeping, Patton?" he asked.

Patton smiled, a little confused, "Of course. I've been getting the usual eight hours."

Logan frowned at his answer but the Moral Side was already in the process of getting up to leave so he left it alone for the time being. Even after dozing on the couch for an hour, Patton still felt exhausted. The kind of exhaustion that made him never want to wake up. In the few minutes he spent staring at nothing in the kitchen, Logan and Roman had left the living room. 

Patton shook his head and decided he could use a pick-me-up. He pulled out his favorite mug and began preparing some hot chocolate. However, in his distracted state of mind, he forgot about how hot his mug tended to get after putting it in the microwave. A pained hiss passed through his teeth as he withdrew his fingers from the handle. He shook his hand slightly as he made his way to the sink to rinse his pinkie under cold water, fighting back a frustrated grimace. He really would have to be more careful. That could have been his whole hand.

Thankfully the burn didn't hurt too bad, the irritated skin only slightly peeling back. Patton figured he'd leave it alone for a bit and see how it did. If it got worse, then he'd put cream and a bandaid over it. He dried his hands carefully and returned to his hot chocolate, this time using a potholder to get it out of the microwave. As he waited for his drink to cool some, his mind blanked out again. 

Movement in the corner of his eye brought him back to the present. Patton turned to greet whoever wandered in, a smile plastered onto his face simply out of habit. 

"Janus, hey!"

"Patton," the other Side acknowledged with a dip of his head.

Seeing as no further conversation seemed to follow, Patton shifted his attention to his hot chocolate. Although, he quickly realized it was more chocolate milk by that point. He'd left it sitting for too long, it seemed. Just how long had he zoned out? He didn't feel like reheating it and decided he'd take it as it was. Taking a sip, he wrinkled his nose slightly as the lukewarm liquid hit his tongue. The drink soured in his stomach almost immediately. Patton pushed the mug away from him. He wasn't that thirsty anyway.

"Patton, how much sleep did you get last night?"

Jolting, Patton turned to Janus in confusion, "Why is everybody asking me that? I slept about eight hours."

"Have you looked in a mirror lately?" Janus asked, "You could rival Virgil with his 'I haven't slept in weeks' appearance. Except his is a stylistic choice."

"...What?"

As a matter of fact, Patton hadn't looked in a mirror for a while. He'd been too busy to bother with more than the bare necessities. Which was... probably why everyone was so concerned. He certainly _felt_ exhausted all the time.

"Take a break. Do something you enjoy and focus on yourself for a while."

Patton frowned, shaking his head a little, "I have too many things to do."

Janus closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his expression deliberately neutral, "Whatever it is, it can wait. You need to rest."

The numbness that had settled was beginning to give way to the emotions bubbling up from dormancy. Patton wasn't sure what exactly triggered it but he was fighting it to the best of his ability. Maybe it was the fact that someone had pointed it out or simply because someone cared enough to-Well... encourage him to take better care of himself.

Patton silently coached himself with Virgil's breathing exercises in an attempt to get his emotions to settle again. He was going to cry if he didn't. He either needed to get back to work to distract himself or get away to calm himself down. His breakdown would have to wait. And it was going to be very explosive when he did finally let it happen. Which is why he couldn't do it now.

As much as he hated being rude or _seeming_ rude, giving a response was impossible. Instead, Patton walked past Janus, keeping his head carefully turned away to hide the layer of tears over his eyes. A hand gently gripping his arm had him jerking to a stop and his breath catching in his throat. Janus _really_ needed to let him go. The tears were inevitable at that point. 

They stood there like that for a few seconds as Janus seemed to hesitate. When he finally seemed to come to a decision, there was a gentle tug on Patton's arm. Not expecting the action, it was enough to make him stumble in the other Side's direction. Which was the desired effect, it seemed, since Janus almost immediately wrapped him in an awkward hug. The contact alone was have been enough to send Patton over the edge, a hug even more so.

It took a few seconds for the shock to wear off and for Patton to process the fact that someone was hugging him. But once it did, the emotions he'd kept a tight lid on, sprung free all at once. Patton was right before. It definitely was explosive, at least by his standards. He tried to keep his wails quiet at first but it was quickly becoming apparent that it was in vain.

The hug was awkward. If it could even be called a hug. Patton wasn't even participating. He was just standing there, too tense to even attempt to reciprocate the embrace. Not to mention how uncomfortable it was to stand there for such an extended period of time and his glasses were pressing against his face painfully. Still, he couldn't be bothered to move.

By the time Patton was all out of tears, his legs ached and his shoulders were sore from tension. That awareness had him releasing that tension and letting his shoulders drop. The relief was immediate. In more ways than one. That oppressive weight was almost completely gone. Some still lingered in the form of his thoughts but the emotional weight was lifted. He felt better.

A pained hiss passed through Patton's clenched teeth as the finger he burned brushed against the fabric of Janus's clothes. He pulled away from his friend and checked his finger. Yeah, it was starting to blister. It didn't look bad but it was blistering and it hurt.

"When did this happen?"

Patton coughed to clear his throat and sniffled a bit, "It's fine. I just touched my mug too soon. It's not too bad. I can take care of it."

Janus took a deep breath and let it out slowly before gently pushing Patton into the kitchen. He rummaged around in the cabinets and came out with a bandaid and aloe cream.

"Let someone else take care of you for once."

Patton's shoulders slumped in defeat and let Janus tend to the burn. It was one of the rare times Janus actually removed his gloves, too. That alone spoke volumes. It took less than a minute to rub the cream on his finger and put a bandaid on. Still, it hurt enough during the process that Patton's winces eventually had Janus quietly apologizing every time he aggravated it.

"Thanks."

Janus nodded in acknowledgment as he shifted away from him, pulling his gloves back over his hands. A previously unnoticed tension released in his shoulders when he did and the Deceitful Side found himself adjusting his gloves longer than necessary. He then cleared his throat a bit awkwardly and addressed Patton.

"Is there something you feel like doing right now? Just to be clear, I mean to relax."

Patton inclined his head, eyes staring at the floor in a thoughtful expression. In truth, he already knew what he wanted to do. Figuring out how to translate those thoughts and wants into words was another story.

"I guess... I want to curl up on the couch with a blanket and a stuffed animal and watch tv," he replied after a few more seconds.

Janus nodded, "Then that's what you'll do."

Once again, Patton found himself being led by his friend, this time into the living room and over to the couch. While Patton got himself situated, summoning one of his weighted blankets and his favorite plush toy, Janus set up the tv. Turning to the Moral Side, he gestured lightly at the tv.

"What do you want to watch?"

Patton hummed, "Tangled."

Within a few minutes, the movie was playing and Janus brushed nonexistent dust off his arms.

"I guess I'll leave you to it then," he said as he began to walk away.

"Stay."

Janus froze, one of his feet still slightly off the ground in an aborted step. Taking a second to process Patton's request(more like demand), he set his foot back down and turned slowly on his heel. Apparently, Patton noticed something in his expression as he quickly scrambled to add on what he'd said.

"I just-You told me to do something that I want and I want you here with me," he said, "Obviously, you don't have to if you're busy or just don't want to but... I'd like it if you stayed."

"...Alright."

**Author's Note:**

> https://little-red-rhapsody.tumblr.com/


End file.
